Oh this is such fun. And every few hours it gets better, but always with an announcement thereās āstill worse to comeā, leaving us struggling to imagine what they might have done thatās worse.
Presumably by tomorrow it will turn out they planted a bug in Heather Millsās false leg and hacked into Stephen Hawkingās voicebox.
The only thing that tarnishes it slightly is now everyone hates Murdoch. Itās like when you follow an obscure band and they become famous.
Suddenly politicians whoāve spent their careers prostrate before him are shocked at how dreadful these revelations are. This astonishment might be reasonable if News International was run by Susan Boyle or Dame Judi Dench, but this was RUPERT BLOODY SODDING BLOODY MURDOCH YOU IDIOT.
The politicians canāt be blamed because, as Peter Mandelson said: āWe feared him.ā
You can understand this, because the people in Egypt and Syria who stand up to tyrants only face torture and death, but Murdoch could print a picture of you with your head in a lightbulb and no one can be expected to withstand that, especially if youāre in a humble job with no power such as prime minister.
So what else could they do but fly round the world to see him and be photographed laughing and having dinner with him over and over again? After all thereās no point in being a martyr.
Cameron ensured continuity, hiring one of Murdochās closest people and removing a minister in case he got in Rupertās way.
He even had News of the World editor Rebekah Brooks round for Christmas dinner, which she explained was because she was one of his constituents.
So this Christmas all his constituents should invite themselves there for dinner, and no doubt theyāll all be let in to chat about the drains behind the local supermarket over a glass of port.
But now the party leaders are appalled and disgusted and could never have guessed, as convincing as someone who protests: āIāve spent 10 years hanging around with a dogfighting gang, but I had no idea they were involved in dogfighting.ā
The police are shocked too, because how could they know 11,000 pages of documents about phone hacking might contain evidence of phone hacking?
There should be a detective series based on Inspector Yates, who led the first investigation into phone hacking allegations. Each week would end with all the suspects together in a room and him saying: āIn this box are documents proving which of you is the murderer. But I donāt have time to go through that lot so you can all go.ā
Even Brooks herself is astonished, and is eager to investigate. So the newspaper will investigate itself, the police will investigate themselves and the politicians will be investigated by an inquiry set up by themselves.
They are all keen on stringent law and order so maybe this is their plan to speed up the justice system. Instead of costly trials the accused will be told to hold an inquiry into themselves, and come back in three years and let us know if they did anything wrong or not.
But despite this, every day is glorious for those whoāve watched Murdochās organisations bend governments, cheer wars, support massacres and smash unions, because heās on the run, stumbling like a dictator whose rule is under threat, bewildered as to why people donāt bow to him anymore.
And as a bonus it seems every day someone else unpleasant gets dragged into trouble, so by the weekend I expect to see the DJ Chris Moyles being asked to resign, and pressure being put on the bloke who cut me up as I was turning into Streatham High Road.
And, like all crumbling despotic regimes, stories now unfold of the madness within, such as the tale of Rebekah Brooks asking a reporter to attend the news conference on the morning after 9/11, dressed as Harry Potter.
If only heād done as he was told, and then turned her into an earwig.
[This article first appeared in the Independent.]