By Kevin Healy
Isn't it exciting that Georgie Bashed has sent the boys back to the Gulf to show that Hussein-is-Hitler-raq mob what the Brave New World Order is all about? And what a generous man that Georgie Bashed is. He sent them there to uphold the United Nations position, and he did it all on his own, without even bothering to ask the United Nations, just because he wants all of us to be able to live in peace.
Also overseas — but hopefully he has an air mail subscription — lying there in agony in his Majorca palace: a cheer up and get well soon to poor Christopher Skatsing-on-thin-ice, so upset that he can't get back to True Blue Aussie With the Big Red Heart because he has a bad back. Cheer up, Chris, we're all thinking of you — every time we suffer another cut in basic services.
This week's "They won't give up will they" award goes with challenge to the VFT (Very Fast rush to the public Trough) consortium for their latest grand idea after the government rather surprisingly refused to give them a massive tax handout so they could prove the efficiency of the private sector in privatising the Melbourne-Sydney rail corridor. The consortium director, on secondment from the Big Aussie itself, Alan Castles-in-the-airman, this week told us what wonderful advantages there would be in a Melbourne-Adelaide VFT link, what with the wonderful MFP going there. Great business opportunities, Al said.
And what's good for business is good for all of us, as we'll see after the November premiers' get-together when the question of massive tax handouts to the private sector for private development of public infrastructure, then privately owned with accompanying land grab development rights and other sensible side benefits, will be discussed. Obviously, putting public planning into private hands will be much better, and save the people having to worry about these things.
I see good old Henry Kiss-and-bomb-inger dropped in on our great and beloved Prime Minister Nuclear Hawke for an hour this week. Henry's a close friend of Conrad Black-and-white, who wants to buy the Foulfacts empire with Lord Kerry of Waterhouse.
Speaking of Nuclear Hawke, there was a bit of bad news for the uranium industry. A spokesperson said the lull in the Cold War was having a dreadful effect: it had sent uranium prices crashing. There's another good reason for a bit more good old war.
And wasn't it about time that the trade union movement got behind the push for fast-track developments. As Martin Cliche said, the greenies have been stopping good sensible development for far too long. "At the end of the day", Martin said, "when the sun sets, after dinner and after tea, come sundown, after supper ..." There isn't space to quote it all, but he did say it.
The minister for developers and big business, Little Johnny Buttons 'n' Bows, agreed. "In the current economic climate, you've got to make the odd sacrifice to create jobs and get the country moving", he said. "And we can't let these silly Koori superstitions get in the way either. When all that development takes place and the economy is going really well again and the workers at last benefit ffect, than we can consider the environment again, if any of it's left. And if it's not, well, there's no need to worry about it, is there?"