When your world's in a dither
Hello. I am the New World Order representative assigned to attend to you. We are here to assist you in any way we can. How can we help?
Are you seeking the services of our (a) military or (b) finance division?
Unfortunately, here at New World Order we can only authorise interventions which bail out or blow up at their point of contact. So which is it to be? Whether money or missiles, we're sure to have a New World Order module that will suit your needs. Our skilled personnel are ready, anywhere, anytime, to design a package that's just right for you.
Before we discuss targets — whether they be civilian, military or current accounting — please have ready your UN resolution number if you were planning on a course of action that could possibly require the death of anyone. You should understand that while New World Order is a bona fide service provider, there are some minor protocols which we must comply with. So if you require us to, say, bomb Baghdad, we'll have to ask you to fill in these forms (preferably now rather than later).
New World Order's mission statement is to shield the world from greed. As a major exponent of the free market, our corporate objective is to protect that market from too much of a good thing. When deregulation gets out of hand — as it is wont to sometimes — we work to protect our clients from that which can do the most harm, their own greed.
At New World Order your interest is our interest. We get you your money back — and then some. That's what a New World Order loan/bomb/other can do for you.
Unfortunately, our military division is currently unavailable for interview, but if you leave your name and telephone number a consultant from RAW (Rent A War) will get back to you as soon as circumstances in the Persian Gulf permit.
Let me say how pleased we are that you have chosen New World Order as your service provider. New World Order always stands by its motto:
"When your world's in a dither
We're sure to deliver
A New World Order".
By Dave Riley