The meeks are gathering
Blessed with the opportunity to meet with the GLW reading public over the recent Easter break, I am pleased to announce the founding of a new third force set to shake up electoral politics in this country. Mrs A. Meek of Kooweerup, Victoria, has already donated one pound two shillings and sixpence to this new political venture and has assured me that her family pledges its support.
"You seem such a nice boy, " she writes, "so much nicer than that horrid Mr Menzies."
With such a testimonial, we are sure to go places. Our kind benefactor has also unwittingly contributed our founding slogan which we now use to mark her ready confidence in the project: "The meeks are gathering".
So if you consider yourself a bit of a meek, this will be the outfit just for you. (And remember that it takes a meek to inherit the earth.)
While we are a bit light on in the policy department at the moment, the party we are launching is clear about its intentions. Indeed, our name says it all: The Party of Moderate and Peaceful Progress Within the Limits of the Law.
Maybe you are thinking that this title fails to differentiate us from all the other parliamentary parties. I concede that this may be a problem. So we are seeking a full list of notables as potential candidates. If you know someone who has: (a) had their photograph in the paper recently, (b) is not currently subject to a criminal investigation (c) whose social niceties are very nice and are sure to be popular — then we want to hear from them.
We have established an efficient tendering process for a range of seats throughout the country. In line with current economic practices, we will allocate electorates on a contractual basis by granting franchises to the successful candidates. By this means we plan to devolve responsibility for the campaign to the grassroots by not only endorsing official candidates but patenting them as well. So if you are interested, sign on today* and our Party Corporate (Regd.) plan will be forthcoming by return mail.
A new venture such as this inevitably runs into its share of knockers. "What are you going to do about unemployment ... or the economy ... or green house gasses", they ask. Obviously these people have not heard about such key aspects of the democratic process as the parliamentary question on notice — and what a powerful people's weapon that one is! — and the cross-party parliamentary subcommittee. To them all we can say this: " Once you have invested in The Party of Moderate and Peaceful Progress Within the Limits of the Law, we are sure to be paying out dividends by the end of our first term of office. If not, then we're in the wrong business and will seek a career elsewhere."
Let's see the other parties top that!
*Conditions apply. Send $70 general service fee and SAE with your application TODAY. Please itemise all previous preselection experience.
Dave Riley