Gareth is coming
Watch out world — Gareth is coming. Stand up, Australia, because our favoured son is OS and making it big.
Does the pope live in the Vatican? You bet! Does a wombat shit in the bush? Uh-huh. Is Gareth Evans the ant's pants? Say no more.
In him we have a man on whom we can rely. Popes visit, say a homily or two, then they're back at the basilica before you can say mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
But the papal gig down under to beatify a dead nun missed a golden opportunity to endorse contemporary doers of good deeds. If the blessed Mary MacKillop were alive today, she'd be in foreign affairs. But she's not — so the responsibility rests on the living and especially on the shoulders of Senator Gareth Evans.
And what a compassionate soul this man is! As a man of peace he spreads the Aussie gospel of love. To the Khmer his message was clear: put down the gun and embrace one another. To the people of East Timor he said: love thy enemies as we love them. To the wayward Iraqis the word went out: repent, for the New World Order is at hand.
The trumpet shall sound and Gareth Evans is fit to blow it. Hallelujah! Peace. Love. Business. Happiness.
But this man — yes, he is but a man — is humble. Despite his great wisdom and eminence as director of the Society for the Propagation of the Faith in the Aussie Dollar, Senator Evans believes that the meek shall inherit the earth. And our representative is very much a meek. He has kissed arse with all due modesty and washed the dirtiest of feet on each and every visit to holy shrines such as Jakarta and Washington.
But this man's pilgrimage progresses, most recently to Devil's Island — a remnant of the evil empire on earth, Cuba.
When our own Gareth came face to face with Fidel Castro, he extended his warm Fabian heart to this hated Beelzebub and uttered these magnanimous words: "It's really a great privilege to meet you. I have always wanted to have the opportunity. It's very nice of you."
Talk about turning the other cheek! But that's the way our apostleship works. Australia still rides on a sheep's back and we are a nation of good shepherds. For Gareth Evans, returning lost sheep to the fold is a vocation. (And as you may recall, the bleating lambs of Cuba lost their way a few years back.)
As the world's largest island, we look after our own. To the isles of Bougainville and Timor we extend an invitation: suffer the little islands to come unto me. In our hearts there is room for Cuba too. It is Gareth Evans' fond hope that we can create an archipelago of love and peace in the south seas; and he wants Cuba to be part of it too.
Blessed with this attention it is hoped that the island of Cuba will accept Evans' invitation to anchor somewhere off Bondi.
Dave Riley